


can't stop thinking of your diamond mind

by BizarreRamen



Category: Homestuck, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, FLARP, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Hemospectrum, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-02-10 01:12:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18649891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BizarreRamen/pseuds/BizarreRamen
Summary: Wherein adolescents of distinct positions in the hemospectrum on the peak of being drafted into the Imperial Fleet make a final stand in their home planet; a pair of matesprites die offscreen but their death would not be in vain; hidden identities are revealed to those of plot relevance; quadrants are flipped like a hot, flat, sweet milk omelette sizzling away in a nutrition block; and the final moral is that recreational drug use is an abhorrent evil as it renders you useless to the Glorious Alternian Empire.TLDR;Troll Doppio's Alternian Adventures





	1. > Be Doppio

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song ocean eyes by billie eilish
> 
> EDIT: I ADDED SOME CONTENT TO THIS CHAPTER SO IF YOU GOT A NOTIFICATION IT WASN'T A MISTAKE OR ANYTHING

A young troll stands in his respiteblock. Tonight is a date with no particular significance to the universe, besides being the date when HE becomes YOU. He already has a name, which his few friends call him by. There’s something meek in his features, although you have no idea what it could be, between the curl of his horns and the sharpness of his teeth and claws. Still, you’re curious about this strange creature you’re about to metatextually possess. You begin to type his name in the hope of learning more about him.

> enter name

Your name is VINGAR DOPPIO. You are a bit over nine sweeps old, though your YOUNG LOOKS have fooled more than one adversary before. You are a SEA DWELLER, although your GILLS are not enough to instill RESPECT for you in the hearts of your peers. You are something of a COWARD, and shamefully squeamish around BLOOD. You’re also something of a HOARDER, always picking up what other trolls would consider TRASH to fill your SYLLADEX and decorate your HIVE.

You have a talent for MIMICKING ELECTRONIC DEVICES which is USELESS IN ANY SITUATION and, as you were told once before, REALLY AWKWARD TO WATCH. Your INTERESTS also include SAILING, though disappointingly for most, it’s for LEISURE instead of WAR. You’re NOT VERY AMBITIOUS, one of the FEW PERSONAL FLAWS that causes DISGUST in your fellow sea dwellers that only know how to SCHEME and CAHOOT. Sometimes you think the only reason you weren’t CULLED IN YOUR SLEEP is that no one actually cares about you enough to do it.

Most of your money is spent on the latest HUSKTOP and PALMHUSK technology, which you use to communicate with your BOSSY MOIRAIL. You love talking to him, especially after getting hit with another UNLUCKINESS SPELL. He helps you CALM DOWN even without his physical presence, which speaks wonders of his SHOOSHING SKILLS. You have NO IDEA what you’d do without him, although sometimes you wonder if he feels the same way.

You and your moirail rule over the FLARPING GUIDE PASSIONE, which you know is Troll Italian for Passion. You know this because you’re Troll Italian yourself. Sometimes you wish you'd actually participate in ACTS OF ROLEPLAYED VIOLENCE instead of CLOUDING ALL DAY LONG, but you know HE cares too much about your SAFETY to allow it.

Beside all that, you also have a SOFT SPOT for DEFENSELESS WRIGGLERS and CREEPY CRAWLIES. You're usually soft spoken, and  you type :@< llike thiss 

What will you do? 

> Doppio: examine room

Unlike other sea dweller hives, yours is NOT UNDERWATER. Somehow wriggler you had the brilliant idea to build a hive on an unoccupied bed of rocks. This means you don’t have to pay more to WATERPROOF your devices, and also that everything you own stays in its place instead of FLOATING AROUND THE ROOM like it’s a piece of kelp.  

Your room is located at the highest point of your hive, a TOWER with windows facing all directions. Your furniture is made of deep purple coral, which is also the color of your RECUPERACOON. On your desk sits your top of the line HUSKTOP SUPREME 1000 that guarantees INFINITE INTERNET CONNECTION AT ALL TIMES. Besides it there is your PLANNER SLASH DIARY where you keep your SCHEDULE updated, and MULTICOLORED WRITING DEVICES also known as pens and pencils.

Your walls are bare with the exception of a few FLARP POSTERS. Your eyes expertly ignore the holes that appear to be PUNCHED INTO YOUR WALLS IN A FIT OF RAGE. Those are very embarrassing. You look at the ICE CREAM MACHINE instead. It’s on top of your nightstand even though it’s supposed to be in your nutrition block, but you love it so much that you sneaked it into your room while CROAKDAD wasn’t looking.

> Doppio: check your many notifications

You don't know why you haven't done this yet. Despite not having many friends, you are a busy troll with a load of responsibilities.

You open the Trollian app on your bright pink palmhusk and wince as you see numerous red dots clamoring for your attention. But you do not falter, this is a common enough occurrence to you that you automatically start filtering them by order of importance. Which is to say, by order of the hemospectrum. Sorry guys, that's just how troll mafia works.

\--fruitfulEmbryologist  [FE]  began trolling forgetfulFidelity  [FF] \-- 

FE: hey baby boy~

OH FUCK NO!!! What does he want now?

FF: :@< hhi melonee

FF: :@< iim kinda busy right now so if you dont mindd

FE: oh but I *do* mind!!!!~

FE: I have something of ultra importance I *must* discuss with you~

FF: :@< ...wwhat is itt?

FE: well it's the *most* important thing in a young troll's life of course~

FE: ****mating****~~~~<33333333

\--forgetfulFidelity  [FF]  blocked fruitfulEmbryologist  [FF] \-- 

You block Melone. It's not the first time you've done this, and you're pretty sure it won't be the last. Right now you're too angry at his general everything to admit he's sort of right. At 9 sweeps old, you'll soon face the Imperial drones and you still have no concupiscent quadrants filled to show.

> Doppio: try not to think about the consequences

You try so hard not to think about your impending Estate certified doom that you immediately forget about it. What were you thinking about again? You don't remember, so it must've been silly. You're always forgetting about things and it makes your moirail worry.

But none of this is important. What is important is the noise of your private messages going crazy. Now, to the second most important troll pinging you…

\--venerableDeparture  [VD]  began trolling forgetfulFidelity  [FF] \-- 

VD: Hello, is this _Doppio_?

VD: I'd like to schedule a _game_.

VD: My usual _proxy_ is AFK and most likely _culled_.

VD: So I asked around and apparently you're the troll I want to _talk_ to.

You gasp, in awe of the actually polite tone coming from the text in front of you. Usually trolls come barging into your DMs like you're nothing but garbage they can demand anything from. Despite your extremely high position in society, due to your relatively rare hemotype, land/sea dweller animosity always wins whenever the other troll is safely hidden away behind their screen. Fucking cowards. At least this troll seems nice enough for a blue blood. 

FF: :@< yyes, this is doppioo!

FF: :@< wwhat sort of game would you be interested inn?

FF: :@< wwe have closed sessions with a limited amount of party memberss

FF: :@< mmost trolls use this one to flarp with their friendss

FF: :@< bbut there is also the free for all sessionss

FF: :@< wwhich i guess trolls use as an excuse to be a little murderouss

FF: :@< uunder the guise of a nice game nightt

VD: Yes, that is the one I _want_.

VD: I mean, the _latter session_.

FF: :@< aahh

VD: Not that I’m usually one for senseless _violence_.

FF: :@< oof coursee

VD: X_X

FF: :@< aanywayss

FF: :@< pprivate sessions are clouded by trolls in your groupp

FF: :@< wwhile free for alls are clouded by mee

FF: :@< sso hmm nice to meet youu?

VD: Likewise.

FF: :@< uuuhhh if that’s alll

FF: :@< ii still have some calls to takee

VD: Oh, _of course_.

FF: :@< oohh before i go i gotta warn youu

FF: :@< yyou gotta pay your taxes to passione soonn

FF: :@< oor else we’ll find youu 8P

\-- forgetfulFidelity [FF] ceased pestering venerableDeparture [VD] --

VD: Wait, _WHAT_?

You lean back in your PURPLE EPIC GAMER CHAIR. You’re energized after a round of successful DIPLOMATIC PARLAY, also known as CUSTOMER SERVICES. You’re about to proceed on clearing up your notifications when a new troll pops up demanding your attention. However instead of the message getting clogged down like expected, your palmhusk vibrates and automatically opens a chatlog. Could it be?

> Doppio: make sure your eyes aren’t deceiving you

You rub your eyes until you can see stars, but the chat is still there on your screen when you regain your vision. After letting out the softest of sighs, you captchalogue your palmhusk and get your frog themed husktop out instead. This requires your full attention after all.

\-- incognitoIniquity  [II]  began trolling forgetfulFidelity  [FF] \-- 

II: d0pp10 are y0u there?

II: d0pp10 p1ease resp0nd

FF: :@< BBOSSS

FF: :@< HHI BOSS I LOVE YOUU

II: W-WHAT??

FF: :@< <><><><>

II: 0h

II: 1

II: 1 10ve y0u t00

II: my beaut1fu1 d0pp10

You sigh at the sight of the palest of romantic gestures. You treasure all the words of love you manage to squeeze out of your usually high strung moirail. You’re very smooth and not at all demanding.

FF: :@< ssooooooo

FF: :@< wwassup bosss >:P

FF: :@< ii mean i’d love to talk to you about anything and nothing under the two moonss

FF: :@< bbut you seemed kind of worried earlierr

FF: :@< ccould it bee…

FF: :@< ffeeling jams timee ;0000

II: umm

>Doppio: suddenly become someone else


	2. >be someone else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REMINDER THAT I EDITED THE FIRST CHAPTER SO THERE'S MORE CONTENT
> 
> it's finally here!!! sadly there's no doppio in this chapter or the next but this is for my la squadra fans out there!
> 
> it's a bit short but I needed to get this chapter out, I hope you all still enjoy it!

You can't suddenly be someone else because you've always been you. It's hard to forget that when you've lived the life you had, and besides your strength of mind is one of your best assets. Now's definitely not the time to doubt your thinkpan's abilities.

> ???: introduce yourself

Your name is RIZOTO NAEROW. Despite your JESTER HAT and STRIPED PANTS, you're anything but a FOOL. Life on the bottom of the hemospectrum has taught you all you needed to know about SURVIVAL and MAKING THE BEST OF WHAT YOU HAVE. It has also granted you TELEKINESIS OVER METAL OBJECTS which you guess is the universe's attempt to make up for your INCREDIBLY LOW LIFESPAN. You're not sure if it's enough though.

You're something of a CONSPIRING REVOLUTIONARY, although you're aware that it's basically a SUICIDAL MISSION. Your interests include EDGY ROCK BANDS WITH QUESTIONABLE LYRICS, SHARP KNIVES, and SEWING. You also possess another INTEREST that you cannot mention even in the safety of your mind because in Alternia NOTHING IS COMPLETELY SAFE. It is something that could bring your RUIN if you're not careful enough.

Another one of your interests is reading COMIC BOOKS, usually featuring a GRIMDARK ANTIHERO WILLING TO KILL which is much more fitting of your image. Although most comic books in Alternia are limited to this theme, so you're not very special for enjoying them. You've been told you have a BEAUTIFUL CALLIGRAPHY, but you don't have much money to spend on STATIONARY to actually practice.

You speak in cold, precise tones and you type  = Your Words Like This = 

What will you do?

> Rizoto: examine room

You stare at your respite block. It's painted a dark red color, the exact shade of your blood. Besides the IMPERIAL STANDARD RECUPERACOON placed on the corner closest to the door, there is a METAL CHEST locked and wrapped in chains, and a RUSTY SEWING MACHINE propped against a wall. A black HUSKTOP with your symbol branded into it rests on a metal desk, on which also lay MOST LIKELY PIRATED, UNLABELED MEDIA DISKS. There are POSTERS littering your walls, both of FLARP CAMPAIGNS and your FAVORITE BAND Troll Metallica.

> examine RUSTY SEWING MACHINE

This thing is your pride and joy. You stole it from an olive blood after killing him and ransacking his hive sweeps ago. It was brand new then, however it's much closer to the sea breeze now than it was before and the salt isn't treating it well. It's been slowly oxidizing as the perigees pass, but it still works just as new thanks to your magnetic esper abilities.

> take a closer look

You step closer to it and notice a sheet of white cotton underneath its jaws. In a sudden burst of paranoia you glance around to make sure no one is watching you. You can't believe you just left such incriminating evidence behind like this! Surely not an action worthy of a future laughassassin. Failures like this can get you culled, and if not then surely demoted in ranks which is basically the same thing in troll society.

>

You carefully free the material from the grasp of the metal contraption, brushing your fingers against the softness. You captchalogue it like you should've done earlier, placing it together with the rest of its kind.

> figure out syladex system

There is nothing to figure out. You've mastered and weaponized your inventory so long ago you aren't even sure when exactly it happened. But it's good to come back to the basics so you're less likely to commit rookie mistakes.

You activate your syladex and a handful of razor blades blink into existence, floating in the air around you. You could kill someone with a small nudge of your mind without ever drawing a weapon from your specibus. But that's not what you're after tonight. Instead you bring the razors closer together so you can actually read the labels on them.

> stop messing around and contact your chums

The contents of your syladex will remain a secret for a bit longer. Something inside your head is telling you to "contact your chums". Such a thought is so out of character to you that you immediately begin suspecting enemy interference. Who's trying to get into your thinkpan? Where are they? Are they hitting solo or is this a team effort? Most likely espionage if they want you to contact others.

You realize that if the enemy is able to put thoughts into your head they can probably read it as well. With a deep breath, you start a mindless meditation technique you've practiced before but never had the opportunity to use. Until now that is.

> Rizoto: try to be someone less paranoid

You are now MELONE BAYFEZ and you've just been blocked for THE CRIME OF BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND. It's not even like your words had PALE OVERTONES, you were sure to inject enough OBNOXIOUSNESS in order to disguise most of your CONCERN. After all, you have an IMAGE to maintain.

Like it can be deduced from your LAVENDER WORDS OF WISDOM, you're a SEADWELLER. Although sometimes you wish you were a JADE BLOOD instead. Yes, the privilege of never having to worry about being CULLED BY YOUR BETTERS is nice, but you can't help but think that particular caste would fit very well with your INTERESTS.

What are yours INTERESTS, you ask? Well nothing more than THE FUTURE OF THE EMPIRE of course! Grubs may be the base for Alternian cuisine, arts and technology, but those that survive will shape the GENERATIONS TO COME. By the CAREFUL PICKING OF GENETIC MATERIAL and FULL ACCESS TO THE MOTHERGRUB, your dream is to PRODUCE THE BEST POSSIBLE OFFSPRINGS FOR EVERYONE. This would be considered unethical in most civilized societies, however, in Alternia, EUGENICS is written under the definition of COMMON SENSE in the DICTATIONARY.

Besides HEMOTYPE, you also consider matters such as BIRTH CHARTS when picking out the PERFECT MATED PAIR. Coincidentally ASTROLOGY is also one of your AREAS OF EXPERTISE, although for you it's a matter of SCIENCE and not FAKE MYSTICISM TO FOOL THE LOWBLOOD MASSES INTO ACCEPTING THEIR MISERY AS FATE. It doesn't hurt that Alternia possess TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY EIGHT ASTROLOGICAL SIGNS instead of a pitifully restrictive number like twelve.

In the end, your actions for now as a not yet full adult can only be described as those of an ANNOYING MATCHMAKER that should MIND HIS OWN FISHDAMNED BUSINESS. You accept the insults with grace as you’re more than aware your STRENGTH is not of BRAWN but of MIND. After all you are blessed with a KEEN INTELLECT which has allowed you to achieve AMAZING HACKING SKILLZ that you use to DESTROY THE LIVELIHOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES. Not that you have many of those. Most of the time you just STEAL A FEW HUNDRED CAEGARS from your neighbors’ bank account.

You usually speak in a lilting, playful voice and  your typing style can only be described as *annoying* ~~ <3 

What will you do?

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me @TRANSDlO (lower case L) on twitter! please tell me your thoughts on this one!


End file.
